Sunday, 19 October 2008

Bill & Ted's Excellent Poseidon Adventure!

I found an old message board topic from a few years back over on our forums yesterday which had involved us taking two movie titles with a common word and amalgamating them into one. In most cases frankly I'd sooner see our version than the original. Here are some of my favourites:

American History Pie

A hysterical gross-out look at four violent neo-nazi high school thugs who make the ultimate pact: to lose their virginity by prom night.

As the desperate group try to work their way into the pants of their female classmates, the comedy just keeps on coming as their plans hopelessly backfire on them.

The laughs come thick and fast as one student fails to score with a foreign exchange student, while another decides to try his luck by curb-stomping a black would-be car thief. And you'll feel your sides splitting come the movie's comedy finale: the shower rape scene.

A light-hearted teen comedy that hilariously teaches the lesson that violence begets violence.

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The Godfather of the Bride Part II

Family trouble continues to plague Michael Corleone (Steve Martin) in this hilarious comedy!

As he attempts to expand the family business into Las Vegas, Hollywood and Cuba, Corleone must also deal with mid-life crisis - brought on by the double pregnancy of his newly-married daughter and wife, Frank "Five Angels" Pentangeli's problems with the Rosato Brothers, and an assassination attempt at his family home.

Audiences will be rolling in the aisles at this sequel's rib-tickling scenes, including the baby shower of the century and the miscarriage of Michael's wife!

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Deep Throat Impact

A teenage astronomer (Elijah Wood) discovers an object amongst the stars at night. He and his teacher soon realise that it's a comet on a direct collision course for earth!

When the NASA space mission "Messiah" fails to destroy the comet, the President (Morgan Freeman) announces that special caves will be built, and the government will have to hold a lottery-of-fate to randomly select 800,000 ordinary American citizens to repopulate the earth after the strike.

But all is not lost. A routine check-up on Linda Lovelace (herself) shows a bizarre anomaly; the doctor finds that her clitoris is located at the back of her throat. Linda soon becomes proficient at the art of "Deep Throat" oral sex. Now, she faces her biggest challenge yet; swallowing an entire comet.

Rated 18 for scenes of nudity.

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Laura Ingalls Wilder: Party Liason

Popular 18th century autobiographist Laura Ingalls Wilder finds herself in some American university, organising parties for nerds. But disaster strikes, when a poor summer leads to a low crop yield, forcing all the students into a life or death struggle against the elements, prairie dogs and rampaging cowboys.

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Ferris Bueller: Judgement Day

A street-wise shape-shifting cyborg decides to take the day off school to kill a young boy, John Connor, in order to prevent him from becoming a resistance leader. The Human army have forged a doctor's note for the reluctant Cameron, a reprogrammed Terminator nerd whose job is to protect Connor.

Ed Rooney, the suspicious Dean of Student Robots, knows all about Ferris' plan but fails time after time to catch him in a variety of hilarious ways! Meanwhile, Ferris' sister droid Jeanie is frustrated that Ferris gets away with his ploys and she doesn't. Can Ferris assassinate John Connor; or will his principal cyborg manage to save the day?

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Big Mamma Mia's House

Set on a colourful Greek island, FBI agent Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence) is going deep undercover as he disguises himself as big black grandmother Hattie Mae Pierce, aka Big Mamma Mia.

Assigned to trap a brutal bank robber, Turner must bring his suspect down through a mixture of sleuth work and randomly performing wholly irrelevant songs by popular 70s pop group ABBA.

It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings!

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Cloverfield of Dreams

Clover (himself) is a novice creature who becomes convinced by a mysterious voice that he is supposed to go on a rampage around New York ruining everbody's shit. The film's underlying themes are the fulfillment of dreams, how people can overcome any regrets they may have about the life choices they make and fucking shit up.

A delightful, heartwarming tale for all the family. May contain extreme peril.

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Bill and Ted's Excellent Poseidon Adventure

At midnight on New Year's Eve, the S.S. Poseidon is struck by a tidal wave and is capsized.

The Reverend Frank Scott heads for safety with nine survivors, including a New York detective and his ex-prostitute wife, two honeymooners, haberdasher James Martin, and Bill S Preston esq. and Ted Theodore Logan of rock band Wyld Stallyns. Failure to escape the ship would be both bogus and uncool!

Setting out from the grand ballroom the survivors eventually reach a time-travelling phone booth, whereupon they set out on an awesome historical adventure involving Billy The Kid, Joan of Arc and Abraham Lincoln!

The survivors band together through their plight, generally being excellent to each other!

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And one last one - someone obviously didn't get the point of linking films by a common word, but it's great all the same!

Taxi Jaws

A disillusioned shark goes on the rampage in his taxi in 1970s New York city. Robert Shaw stars as a 12 year old prostitute.

1 comment:

Mark said...

Fucking fantastic